Parent Book

I have never been a huge fan of reading books and I am pretty sure my collection of Cliff Notes outweighs the actual books I own, so it won’t come as a huge surprise that I do not have a Parenting Book.  You know, the book that walks you through all the stages of life and how to handle them.  I will admit that I have flipped through “What to expect in the 1st year” book looking for keywords but my Parent Book is more of a…..’Fly by the seat of my pants’ tactic.  Sure, I call friends and lean on some family for some thoughts but every day I feel like I’m writing my own Parent Book. 

Mom’s…. I hope you know what I’m saying.
Janettes parent book

About 6 months or more ago, Ryan was sick.  I panic when my kids refuse to eat or drink over a period of time.  I know they will survive but did have a bout with Ryan being dehydrated in his 1st year of life getting RSV and laying in a hospital with several nurses trying to find a vein for an IV… so I’m a tad sensitive.

I bought a can of Campbell’s Chicken noodle soup with DORA the Explorer shapes.  He was big into Diego and Dora and it seemed like a good idea.

He refused.  He turned up his nose very quick and my ‘fly by the seat of my pants’ Parent book said to tell him this:

“Dora will be so sad if you don’t eat her soup to make you feel better”

He looked at me, gave careful consideration to what I just said and I repeated that Dora will be so happy if he eats some soup.

It worked.  Soup was eaten, and I felt better that my son had some nutrition in his achy belly.

My Parent Book did NOT tell me that this would HAUNT me for the rest of my days. 

Every meal, EVERY DAY, I am asked the same question by Ryan which occurs generally when he is done eating… “Mommy!  Is Dora Happy?”  It was cute the first few times.  My statement about eating made an impact, YAY!  But seriously…. we don’t know Dora.  We don’t even watch Dora anymore.  It is now the major melt down question during most meals.  Most of the time, he has barely touched his food, or eaten some of it…. no where near enough to keep a small limp bird alive and he still asks me… If Dora is Happy.  Most of the time, Dora is not. 

What have I done!?  Turns out, I’m not a Dora fan anymore.

In another Chapter of my Parent Book by Janette…..

We are in a phase of excitement and 'not wanting to miss a thing’… you know the one where you can see your child CLEARLY needs to go potty but when you ask them, they tell you they don’t need to go.  We’re down right grabbing the crotch and even getting the chill jiggles and still refusing to admit we have to go to the bathroom kind of a phase.  

We were putting Ryan to bed.  Every night’s ritual is taking Ryan to the bathroom before so he can make it through the night without having to go.  Most nights this is a BREEZE.  Last night, we found ourselves looking up to the heavens for help and I said..

‘Bubba, you better go potty or the Pee Pee Monster is gonna come get your Pee Pee!!’
Pee pee monster

Yes, it was mean.  Yes he looked a tad frightened and asked several times where the pee pee monster was…. but you know what?  He pee’d and voila! Tucked him in bed, assured him there was no Pee Pee Monster after he asked repeatedly if he was on the floor or outside.  He fell asleep and Chapter closed.

There is also a Chapter on the Poo Poo Monster.  Have you read my book?
poo poo monster

Learning every day…flyin’ by the seat of my pants no doubt!!

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Amber said...

hah - you probably could bank on the stories of the Pee Pee and Poo Poo Monsters. Perhaps you've inadvertently found your calling in life???

Jenna said...

I agree with Amber. :)

That's so funny.

Rachel said...

I agree with the other ladies on this one! Write them stories down!

Anonymous said...

Gah!! I remember quite well the frustration of "Just go pee already!!!" It may have been coming down the leg, yet they still denying having to go.

*sigh* where was your book when I needed it. :)

Have a fab weekend, sista.

Impulsive Addict said...

I just bookmarked this post! I have a feeling I'll need a few tips later on! I'm kinda dreading the whole potty training business. Can't I send her to a school for that?

Emmy said...

But hey as long as Dora's happy :). Yes the things we say in those moments of desperation

Anonymous said...


Hey, it's a tough gig-but we're on the hook. I'm all about getting creative with it. I love how you think!

Cherished Bliss said...

HAHAH! I laughed out loud when I read pee pee monster! Aubrey is going through the same thing of crotch grabbing, but no... he doesn't really need to go! RIGHT. I bought him a Captain America guy and everytime he tells me NO when I know for a fact he has to go because he's holding himself so tight and wiggling around like a crazy person..well I take it away and put it in sight and he can't have it. It has been working alot better but sometimes it doesn't... I'll have to tell him about the pee pee monster.

As for the Dora things I say stuff all the time to get him to obey and it ALWAYS comes back to haunt you.. they just can't flippin forget those things! and then you have to hear about it multiple times a day : ) Right there with ya! Crazy boys!

Jessica said...

Love these!!! So funny!!!

I'm gonna need all kinds of advice one day so keep writing all this stuff down for me!! :)

Dazee Dreamer said...

ok. hilarious. the pee pee monster. I needed that laugh.

Luisa Rodríguez said...

hahahahah loved it!
Great post!!

Come visit me too


Date Girl said...

hahahah, oh man. This peepee monster sounds all good and fine until he's knocking on your door at 3am because he can't sleep because the peepee monster will get him. ;-) I was totally that kid, with the nightmares ALL the freaking time. I sure hope that's not hereditary.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha, oh my gosh. Where do you come up with this stuff?? ;o) Hey, as long as it works. I was willing to do ANYTHING during the potty training phase. If someone had told me that running stark naked through the neighborhood screaming, "I'm a banshee!!!" would instantly potty-train my child, I would have been out of my clothes and down the street in a split second. :o) That has been my LEAST favorite phase so far. No doubt.

Camie Rae said...

Pee Pee monster!? Oh how I love you! Ha ha ha I laughed so loud! You da best.